2004-01-30T16:26:00.000-05:00

Goodness I'm tired! Between two jobs and my writing I've lost about all energy I might ever have had, doesn't make for a very active sex life, I must admit. Besides which, B, my current S.O. seems to be somewhat confused about our relationship. Jeezus, between her and J (the boy) I don't think I can keep this up.

By the way, B is my girl, with whom I've been sleeping with pretty regularly for about a year. J is my boy, who knows about my relationship with B ... though I think he doesn't agree with the girl/girl lifestyle, especially when I'm one of those girls. Anyhow, B and I have this agreement that we're to be (now, after a month or two of dating last year sometime) friends with benefits. Dating hadn't worked for us, she's incredibly unsure of her sexuality, my sexuality is simply "Now!" LOL. She hasn't had very good history with the women OR the men, which leaves her in a constant state of poor self-esteem and self-doubt. It's tiresome to always be forced to confirm my need to have her in my life even as a friend, in the least.

I know she cares for me as more than a friend, but I'm still not incredibly sure of how I exactly feel for her myself. Do I feel for her in the possibly romantic way? Or do I simply feel for her as a friend, but long for something more, and therefore try to place those romantic emotions into this relationship? One would think that at my age I could understand all of this crap, right?

Riiiiight.

J doesn't really discuss my and B's relationship, I don't think he can really handle it. That's alright, he and I don't even have much above friends with benefits ourselves. I think he also can't commit because of my second job, then again, I'm not about to commit myself... so hurrah. Why is it men have no problem going to a strip club and "admiring" the dancers... even express a desire to date a dancer because she'd be an excellent lay... but when it comes right down to it he's embarrassed by his dancer-girlfriend. Whatever. The human race is nothing but a mass of hypocrites, myself included.

Perhaps now I'll leave to get laid by my old trusty "Bob"... the grand ole' vibe.

Ciao, belle!

2004-01-11T13:04:00.000-05:00

I've always wondered what it would be like to be filled in every orafice by men. Orally, analy (is that a word?) and elsewhere. (You know where, but I don't know how to put a "y" at the end of the word.) It's one of my biggest fantasies, probably because of the sheer naughtiness of it. It would require three seperate men, with stanima, and me in a harness. Jeezus. Even a single man with myself in the harness would be fullfilling a long-time fanasy of mine. What to do, what to do.

(Isn't this a great way to start a blog?)

I have many fanasies, but only a few have ever been actually worked into my reality. Sex with a woman is one that's happened, which is still incredible because I try to have it happen at least once a week if I can. Sex with others watching. Dual partner masturbation in the backseat of a car with others driving. Incorporating toys into sex. Those have all happened in my real life, but I've so many more to do! Too bad it's so hard to find a partner who can fulfill all these things, most freak out at the mention.

Then again, perhaps it would help if I actually said these things aloud, instead of in the safety of my online blog... in which I don't even go by my real name.

Nothing But a Glimmer in your Dreams